Are you finding everything you are looking for?

As I was heading to checkout from one of those large chain stores, a clerk asked “Are you finding everything you’re looking for?” I said yes and thanked him. As I walked away I thought to myself that is a great question “Are you finding everything you are looking for?”

I had a mentor that would ask me a similar question, “Bill, what do you want?” I would look him right in the eye with all the sincerity, frustration, and angst in my voice and say, “I don’t want my addictive behavior!” He would gently say to me, “I did not ask you what you did not want; I asked you what you wanted. What do you want instead of your addiction?” I responded “I don’t know what I want! I just don’t want this addiction in my life anymore!!” As obvious as this may sound, not knowing what I wanted instead of my addiction, kept me stuck for a good long while.

People are quick to tell you what they don’t want in their lives. I don’t want this job. I don’t want to wait in this line. I don’t want to keep doing this habit. I don’t want to be in debt. Knowing what you don’t want is important, but you must keep asking and get past what you don’t want to narrow it down to what you want. Realize the “don’t wants” have energy but no direction. “Don’t wants” are avoidance and keep you focused on where you do not want to go. “Wants” are motivating due to the fact that you have an outcome to move towards.

Imagine this scenario, you are at a restaurant and the waiter comes to your table and asks “Have you decided what you want?” You reply, “I don’t want the fish.” He will most likely stare at you and again ask, “Ok, what looks good?” You again repeat “I don’t want the fish.” He then asks “What about the chicken special?” and you again say, “I don’t want the fish.” I know you would never do this but this is how we react in life. We have a menu of choices in life but still order what we don’t want.

If we are going to buy a present, take a vacation, or change our lives, we must know what we want. This must be stated in the positive, not the negative. A negative statement would be, “I don’t want this job anymore.” A positive statement would be, “I want a new job.” Can you see the difference? The negative statement keeps you stuck and requires no action. The positive statement moves you forward and propels you into action.

Knowing what you want with laser sharp focus is crucial to getting it. Leave seeking behind and become a finder, a finder of what you want. As Thomas Edison stated regarding his work on the light bulb: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

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